Again
by Deanstiel's Daughter
Summary: (MAJOR S10 SPOILERS) A coda to the events following the episode Dark Dynasty. Team Free Will is shattered. Can they ever be fixed?


" **All of my life where have you been? I wonder if I'll ever see you again." – Lenny Kravitz**

Again

All Dean could was practically sleep walk into the bunker. His steps were ragged and unruly like he was a kid who'd been given a magic marker and had taken it upon himself to color all over the wall. Only now Dean's walls were closing in and he felt this boiling hot rage in his gut that wouldn't extinguish. Nothing could make it go away. No amount of alcohol he planned to consume that night, no amount of jagged knife edges running across his thumb until he bled, a nervous habit he never could shake, no amount of gunshots or pills or knives or drinks could take this pain away.

"She was so young," he said to Castiel who was hovering as he usually did. "She was so damn young."

"Dean..." Castiel wanted to say more, but what words could he muster at a time like this? He hadn't known Charlie long, but he'd been drawn to her the moment they'd met. The spunky redhead who had asked him to cure her carpal tunnel and playfully punched him in the arm when they first met now would never breathe again. And Castiel, he felt as though he was drowning right along with her. He was incapable of knowing pain like the kind his friends were experiencing, but he was wise enough to know that he was also incapable of helping them.

"Go away," Dean said sternly, more harshly than he'd ever spoken to Castiel. He scared even himself. "Get away from me, before I do something I regret."

"Dean please," Castiel had always been well spoken, but in the presence of his breaking friend and without a comfort to offer his words faltered for the first time. His voice cracked. "Just...please..."

Dean stood from the table and took a swing. He barely missed Castiel's head, but instead hit the cold concrete wall. The tingles radiated through his hand and he resisted the urge to curse. He looked Castiel in the eyes and for the first time since he'd been human the angel shivered. Dean was in his rawest form of rage and sadness and Castiel hadn't seen that since rescuing the man from the pit. It was foreign and it was like petting a cat backwards. Castiel did not like it.

"I said," Dean repeated with an icy tone. "Get the hell away from me Castiel."

Castiel slinked away and vanished without warning. Dean was left alone. Sam was outside still for God only knew how long and Dean was resisting the ever so convenient opportunity to match the urge to drive his car over the first cliff he could find.

Instead he settled for an entire bottle of Jack Daniels and then another one.

-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-

Sam Winchester, all he could do was vomit. He'd been holding it in since he'd seen Charlie dead in that bathtub in the motel. Now Sam was crouched behind a bush puking his guts up and trying to stay upright. His fingers were specked with remnants of what he'd eaten and tiny drops of blood from his completely raw throat. His eyes were filled with tears from coughing and agony. Too much, too much blood was on his hands. Jessica Moore, Madison, Adam Milligan, Ellen and Jo Harvelle, Bobby Singer, Gabriel, Kevin Tran, he'd had a hand in all of their deaths. So many people he'd known, laughed with, loved, and lost. And now Charlie Bradbury was among them and Sam found it all the harder to forgive himself this time. He looked down at his thrown up dinner and sniffled, trying to clear his nose before he took a shaky breath and just as shakily got to his feet. He dragged his boots along the soil, staggering and thinking too much the whole way.

All of this had been because of Dean. Everything had always been because of Dean, for Dean was his brother and Sam loved his brother. Dean had taken care of Sam every fever, every scary dream, and every living nightmare. And all Dean had gotten out of his was sleepless nights and premature gray hairs. And now Sam was trying to pay him back and be the one to take care of him and it had backfired once again, just as it always did and Sam didn't know where else to go. He'd thought about where Charlie was and that hadn't helped. Sure she was in Heaven now, but he felt like he was in Hell all over again. He hadn't felt like a useless human since he'd been stopped in the church by Dean.

Dean, he was probably soaking himself in alcohol. All while Sam was trying to stay upright. He thought of Charlie on high with wings, flying and soaring and finally at peace for she was done. And there was always peace when you were done. In that moment though, Sam felt more done than he ever had before. And once again he felt a numb as a severed body part. He felt the numbness overtaking him and he felt nothing for a split second before shaking himself out of it.

And Sam cried, for he was as equally sad as he was scared.

-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-

There was an ocean. It was beautiful and it was beautiful in the way that made a man want to write stories about it and a woman want to weep. There were pebbles of blue and gray and even red. A rare site if ever there was one. There was a feeling in the air, one of peace and tranquility and something else that couldn't quite be identified. It was nice. At least Charlie Bradbury thought it was nice.

"Shocked it's not Christmas huh?" a familiar voice shocked her out of her day dreaming and she turned to see an old friend in a worn brown aviator jacket and long pants. Her hair was pulled back just as it always had been and she was smiling.

"How'd you know?" Charlie smiled back. She felt like someone had just given her the best hug in the world.

"You know me," Dorothy Baum smiled bigger. "I have a way of figuring things out."

"They're gonna kill themselves without me," Charlie commented regarding her friends still on earth who were currently dealing with the loss of her in one way or the other. "I'm sure of it."

"Dean will respond with rage," Dorothy explained. "Sam will respond with tears and Castiel with the urge to keep fighting. He'll be the driving force that keeps them going. You can thank your new friend for that much."

"I don't want them bringing me back," Charlie made it clear. "I don't want Castiel doing it either. I made my choice. I died fighting for the only cause I've believed in since those two boys showed up in my office. Well besides Oz ya know?"

"You did well there too," Dorothy nodded. "We both didn't die in vain."

"I didn't have the heart to tell them you were dead after I released Dark Charlie," Charlie sighed. "I didn't want to tell them the dark part of me killed you. I didn't want them to know what I'd done there. I just wanted them to think of me as a hero not the villain. Then Dark Charlie came to the earth and they knew what I really was inside."

"A hero," Dorothy finished her words for her. "Nothing changes that. That is what you are Charlie and that it what you've always been. Don't ever deny yourself of that title."

"Thanks Dorth," Charlie smiled, finally believing what she was saying before she looked back out at the water. "Will they be alright?"

"In time yes," Dorothy answered. "They're mourning, but I can assure you these wayward sons of the big man up here? They're not done. They've got enough fight left in them yet."

"Awesome." Charlie smiled again.

"C'mon," Dorothy motioned for Charlie to follow her. "There's some people I want you to meet up on the north shore of the beach."

"Cool," Charlie begun to walk with her along the shoreline. The waves lapped at her bare feet three times as if they were hugs. She imagined they were and they were being sent somewhere more earthly.

One for Dean, her brave older brother, the warrior.

One for Sam, her kind older brother, the fighter.

And one for Castiel, her new friend, the lover.

"You're gonna like this Kevin kid," Dorothy said over her thoughts. "He's a real nerd like you. Oh and Jo she's awesome."

Dorothy blabbed on as Charlie said a silent prayer.

" _I love you boys, Dean don't ever stop fighting. Sam don't ever stop forging forward and Castiel never give up the love you have for anything. Kick this in the ass for me bitches. Okay?"_

The waves slapped three times against the shore and as Charlie made her way over to the other part of her heaven she paused a moment to look back at them. It was like her boys had heard her.

And that was like truly walking on sunshine.

 **Reviews are appreciated!**

 **I almost cried while writing this. I really did. The sad music didn't help and I'm going to be super tired tomorrow, but this needed to be written while I was still feeling the emotions. I hoped all of you liked it.**


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